Wearing: Watercolors at Sunset

Monday, November 14, 2011

Which can say more than this rich praise,
that you alone are you?

Anthro Dress--Artist's Rendering
J.Crew Cardigan
Crown Vintage oxfords
Fossil watch
I spent all of junior high wanting to be Amanda Strain.  She was my best friend, a kindred spirit...the Anne with an "e" to my shy Diana.  She had a gigantic personality and a dazzling, mega-watt smile that could light up the room.  In the Sunshine club, she was the sunshine and everyone else was the club. Secrets, tickles and whispers of crushes...she was a hundred different reason to smile, wish and dream--the sort of girl I'd miss even if I'd never met her.  
With her, I was able to shed all my defenses and risk being completely myself...a bit shy, a lot nerdy, but 100% me. The year I turned fourteen, something shifted inside me.  I can't define the moment or analyze the process by which I realized there was no way I'd ever be Amanda. The truth came to me slowly...by degrees.  I'd never be funny enough or auburn-haired enough or whatever else enough, and the thought struck me. What if I was someone else entirely, like specifically,  maybe, hello, me?

A peeling off of a layer here, a turning of perspective there and by the time I'd turned fifteen I was startlingly and pleasantly surprised with the awesome truth that absolutely no one could be Kristina as well as I could.  It was liberating...exhilarating, this new found freedom to be as quirky or nerdy or amazing or weird as I wanted to be. No one knew my part as well as I...all the subtle nuances and quirks and mannerisms that make up the wholeness of an individual.  No one else could deliver the lines from this--my unique perspective. No one...except you know, like, me.
I will always appreciate the balance and inspiration Amanda brought to my life.  She remains my other half--the pick-up-where-we-left-off-seven-years-ago-friend.  I think the biggest triumphs can come from the angst of childhood. They were the impetus that shoved me along, helping me discover that playing the role of myself in this drama called life will always exceed my expectations.

 G'night, mah dears. Oh, and in case any of you are interested, I'm selling some of my treasures on ebay right now.  Here are some links. 
Looping Lanes belt
Two-Paths Khaki Trench
Seychelles Black Kiss At Midnight pumps


  1. Beautifully written. Beautiful photos. Love this post!

  2. Such a lovely post, Kristina. You've truly captured and expressed how wonderfully rewarding it is to learn to appreciate ourselves for the things that make us unique. This is something that took me quite a long time to learn, and it was my boyfriend who really helped in allowing me to appreciate and accept myself. He's quite different from me...very outgoing, outspoken, energetic, enthusiastic, and assertive. I'm much more reticent and introverted. Early in our relationship, I would often ask why he hadn't picked someone who was more like him...someone who had a "big personality." Every time I asked this, he would look me in the eyes and respond, "Because then they wouldn't be you. And I like YOU. " It was exactly what I needed to hear and it helped to realize that I didn't need to try to change the things about me -- my shyness, for example -- that were intrinsic parts of my personality.

  3. Love the mini-tribute to Amanda! :) She is indeed an incredible girl (I always wanted her hair, btw!)

  4. I love this outfit combo... and I have always been obsessed with that J.Crew sweater but I love the way you have worn it!



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