Putting my cute, 1950's armchair in the middle of the road was
probably the dumbest idea I've ever come up with,
and I'm sure the man in the red pick-up thought the girl out there
blocking the bridge and reading Ivanhoe was quite possibly insane,
but it seemed like a great idea at the time...you know, thinking it could look all romantic and stuff.
It's really a severe personality flaw, being kitschy that way,
but I figure, I might as well just be myself, 'cuz nobody can do that like I can.
And anyway, don't you think it's the quirks of a person that make them
real, lovable and just downright entertaining sometimes?
The things that annoyed me most about my brother when he was alive
became the very things I missed most about him when he had gone.
Nathaniel and I were different as night and day.
He was street smart, driven and focused.
I was driven...but I just never quite knew where I was driving to.
I spent my childhood annoyed with him for thinking
he was always right, for knowing so much about everything.
I have to admit he did have just cause to be aggravated at times.
The first time I filled my car up with gas after getting my driver's license,
I very carefully squeezed the nozzle up to $18.50 worth of gas
and was headed in to pay when Nathaniel glanced at the pump and asked,
"Why didn't you put twenty dollars in?"
"I did", I said, "but I only have a twenty-dollar bill and I wanted to make sure I had enough to cover the tax."
Nathaniel hung his head like he'd failed me in the worst way. "Kristina", he said with great control, though I could sense he was seconds away from losing it, "the tax is already included in the price."
I felt like such a...well, there really aren't words. But, of course, I laughed at myself.
I'd always been that girl, the book-smart one whose IQ never quite
made up for what was lacking in common sense.
I'd like to think I've gained a bit of savoir-faire since then,
but the raw truth is that I'm still a little off--head in the clouds--a bit too awkward to actually be cool...
but maybe, hopefully...my natural exuberance is the thing you'll miss most about me when I'm gone.
(Anthropologie Drifting By Dress, J.Crew Ethereal Cardi, Rampage oxfords, HUE tights)
Photos courtesy of LookNook
