Best of 2011: The Words

I think there is something in all of us that fears being misunderstood.
The words below were my favorite written during the past year because
the original post encapsulated the essence of who I am and
I felt I understood myself better for having written it.

(GAP sweater and blazer, Banana Republic skirt, J.Crew shirt, Nine West boots, AE watch, LOFT shades)

I am not a shy girl.

I'm not the life of the party either,

but you can definitely count on me to be the

girl standin' right next to the life of the party.

I can't go to sleep at night until everyone else does

because I'm afraid I'll miss something big.

I wanna know the story of the girl standing next to me in the grocery store.

I wanna talk to the guy painting in the street.

I'm most at home in a crowd...the more, the better.

I'm an equal-opportunity friender...tall, short, straight, round, dark or fair...

Every other person on this planet has something to teach me.

I want to know everything I can about you

and when you can't or won't let me in, it hurts.

My space bubble is non-existent. I'm the girl with no personal space.

That's why I'm sure I can be a bit much--

come on a bit too strongly...for some people.

When I was younger I was afraid of my own shadow.

I just knew every criminal in the world was out to get me.

I was afraid to talk, afraid I would say the wrong thing.

I was afraid people would laugh at me if I failed.

I cried everyday of the year I was eleven

(I'm not exaggerating...ask my mom).

I remember overhearing my dad tell her,

"If Kristina can ever quit worrying what other people

think of her, she'll be fabulous."

Then, one day I realized, I really didn't care what anyone else thought.
Yes, it was painful to be told I didn't make the cut.

Yes, I still wished everyone would like me.

Yes, I might sometimes have come off as snobby and passed right by you,

but you can bet that was only because I was so lost in the haze

of ideas bouncing around in my brain that I missed the moment.

I absolutely know the best things in life aren't things...they're you.

I just figure, you might as well like yourself, ya know...
just think of all the time you have to spend with you.
And everyone's gonna think one thing or the other...

If I laugh too loudly, someone will think I'm trying to get attention.

If I shrivel in a corner, someone else will think I'm incompetent.

People can think what they want...probably only half of it is true anyway...

I know (better than anyone else) exactly what my short-comings are.

Even the best perceptions of me might only be smoke and mirrors.

I am what I am.

I'm driven and focused one day, flighty and loony the next.

I can spend an entire day with my head in the clouds,

then the next day, I'll accomplish a week's worth of work.

I'm horrible at math, I can't draw, and I absolutely, stinkin' despise cleaning the house.

I can be snarky and self-depreciating or patient and confident.

While I'm not ready to say I've reached my dad's high mark of fabulous,

there's no doubt I've left behind the insecure version of myself,

no doubt that I know who I am--

a girl sought after and cherished by God.

A girl who recognizes her limitations and capitalizes on her strengths.

So, no...I'm not the shy girl, and

I'm not the life of the party, either.

I've never been funny enough, pretty enough, or smart enough

to stand out in a crowd, but that's really ok.

I'm cool with just being nice.